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Meet my neighbor, Allison. She is constantly telling me about her teenage son, Zach. “If he would just pull up his grades… he needs to pay closer attention to what we tell him…. if he was just more interested in life…..” Allison has a list of what Zach should do that he isn’t doing and reminds him about it daily because, as she says, “I care.”

The origins of the word “care” (from online etymology.com) center on anxiety and serious mental attention. To be “careful” is to be full of woe or concern.  Interestingly enough, the origin of the verb “to care” means to be filled with anxiety and to be “careless” is to be free from anxiety.

This type of caring is really all about fear. If you strip back the personal details surrounding Allison and Zach, her manner of caring simply says: I care, and so when you begin to act the way I think you should I will feel better. Until then I will be the only one who cares enough about you to worry, and to voice my disappointment no matter how bad it makes me feel.

Does any of this sound familiar? If you want to be free from anxiety is the solution not caring? To me not caring doesn’t sound much better than caring and being gripped by fear. I’d like to propose the act of caring in a different light. Caring without fear. To begin caring without fear, forget about caring for others. Direct all of your caring inward toward yourself. Sound selfish? Not really….

First, be care-full. Be full of care about what you say, do, and think because you are (you’ve heard this before) the sole creator of your universe. You are the steward of the human body you inhabit. What you decide is true (the stories you tell yourself) about what happens to you and around you has a tremendous impact on your health, wealth, and all your relationships. It is well worth the effort to be care-full.

When we tell ourselves stories that fuel anxiety, and when we repeat those stories so many times that we believe they’re true, we become care-less. Being care-less causes the loss of the most important thing we possess: the power to change what we have the power to change (what we believe everything means).

Again, begin by directing all of your caring toward yourself. Be care-full and see what it is like to care without fear. Accomplishing that see how delightful it is to fearlessly care about all the wonderous LIFE that whirls around you.

BeliefWorks,

Ray Dodd
http://www.powerofbelief.com

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• Try a complimentary 30 Minute Telephone Session: Change the World - Change Your World - One Belief at a Time. Explore the advantages of working one-on-one with a BeliefWorks Mentor.

• Buy BeliefWorks and get the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book Free: Purchase BeliefWorks this month and we will give you the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book at NO EXTRA CHARGE.

• Inspiring BeliefWorks Art Prints: Great as a gift or for yourself, high-quality inspiring art prints.

Property of PowerofBelief.com 2010. All rights reserved. Reprint rights are granted to all venues so long as the article and by-line are reprinted intact.

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It’s only a few more days until Groundhog Day! What? You don’t care? To be perfectly honest neither do I.

I do love the movie, Groundhog Day however. I recommend it to everyone in my Power of Belief Programs.

The idea for the movie comes from ‘The Gay Science’, a famous book by Friedrich Nietzsche. In his book, Nietzsche gives a description of a man who is living the same day over and over again. In the movie, a sour, arrogantly self-centered TV weatherman is sent to the small town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to cover the Groundhog ceremony held every February 2nd. He despises the assignment. Somehow he stumbles into a time warp repeating Groundhog Day over and over again. He tries to take advantage of the situation (because he knows what will happen next) from a selfish view point, but no matter what advantage he gains every morning it is the same day all over again. Only when he embraces the situation in a positive and unselfish way is the time warp broken.

The movie, Groundhog Day, has spawned the term.: The Groundhog Day Effect. It is defined as: an unpleasant, unchanging, repetitive situation that leaves one feeling powerless.

Everyone who has ever tried to change limiting beliefs and transform their lives in a significant way is stymied by The Groundhog Day Effect. The effect usually appears like this: When we are forced to change, or realize we must transform old self-destructive patterns, we leap into action.

I’m starting the New Year with a new attitude; it’s time to loose weight; I resolve to be kinder this year; I’ll be a better listener to my kids; I’m going cut back on my alcohol consumption; I’m not going to worry anymore.

Any of this sound familiar?

But even with the best intentions, armed with motivational DVD’s and CD’s, the old patterns eventually creep back in. After all that positive thinking wears thin our unconscious behaviors rear their ugly little heads. It’s Groundhog Day! Again!

Although we go through the motions to change we sense that real change will propel us is far beyond what feels familiar and safe. So we change, sort of. Just enough, but not too much. We bargain with ourselves, make deals, and look only at what doesn’t make us too uncomfortable. We examine at ourselves with honesty, just as long as we’re not too honest. The result? Yep, you guessed it - Groundhog Day!

So how do you loosen the grip of The Groundhog Day Effect? If you’re feeling powerless, faced by unpleasant, unchanging, repetitive behaviors that seem to be more powerful than your resolve to change, you’ve decided you’re a victim. But wait…, the perception that you’re a victim is self-delusion; a lie. It’s always a lie.

The Groundhog Day Effect unravels when you stop believing that lie. There is no deal, or going half way. The bargains you make with yourself to “sort of” change are like the statement: “I see your point, but….”

The “Yes, but” is an unconscious defense of the old, and the protector of what has always been.

The Ground hog Day Effect dissipates when you fully accept that every belief you have is a point of view that YOU agreed to. To experience real change requires that you take full, unfettered responsibility for what you have created. At that moment you will break free, and empowered, you CAN make another choice.

Happy Groundhog Day!
BeliefWorks,

Ray Dodd
http://www.everydaywisdom.us

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• Try a complimentary 30 Minute Telephone Session: Change the World - Change Your World - One Belief at a Time. Explore the advantages of working one-on-one with a BeliefWorks Mentor.

• Buy BeliefWorks and get the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book Free: Purchase BeliefWorks this month and we will give you the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book at NO EXTRA CHARGE.

• Inspiring BeliefWorks Art Prints: Great as a gift or for yourself, high-quality inspiring art prints.

Property of everydayWisdom.us 2010. All rights reserved. Reprint rights are granted to all venues so long as the article and by-line are reprinted intact.

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The holidays are coming up fast along with the added stress of trying to get just the right gift, crowded shopping malls, traffic jams, holiday parties, and the obligation to show up at family get-togethers. With all that running around chances are you’re going to run into someone who pushes your buttons. You know, one of those difficult people.

Many times the struggles we have with other people boil down to who’s right and who’s wrong. But isn’t right and wrong just a matter of perception? Perhaps the conflict is not always about their behavior but about the way we react to their behavior. We each have the unique ability to assign meaning to someone else’s behavior that leaves us offended. It is our interpretation that defines them as difficult. Think about it. The most difficult person in your life could be someone else’s confidant, lover, or friend.

Each of us has a slightly different take on reality. If there are twelve jurors listening to the same arguments, hearing the same evidence they often have a hard time reaching a verdict because they rarely perceive what goes on in exactly the same way. Keep that in mind when dealing with your brand of difficult person.

Difficult people abound, sometimes only for you….. and yes I’ll admit…sometimes they are perceived as difficult by everyone around them. Perhaps the way they act is off-base. You’re right, they ARE difficult – but is that helping you feel better?

Here are ten useful tips you can use this holiday season (and beyond) to help you meet the challenge of dealing with the difficult people in your life.

1. Give Up The Need To Be Right. What you perceive maybe accurate, but protracted battles and arguments that go nowhere are all about being right. Agree to disagree with respect. Take action that supports what you want to accomplish. If you need to establish boundaries do so but give up your need to be right. Why? Because it feels good.
2. Don’t Assume Anything. Whether you have know someone for a long time or you just met, you really don’t know exactly what motivates them,or precisely how they bend their reality moment to moment. Give up assuming why they did or said something. Ask questions and don’t assume ANYTHING.
3. Let Go of your Expectations. Having expectations about who should do what and how it should be done is a recipe for crisis. Let go of your expectation that one specific outcome is the only way you will be satisfied. If you hold on to the belief….Every thing will be okay when they…….. you may wait an awful long time for when. An expectation is your assumption about what is SUPPOSED to happen. We gave up assumptions in tip number 2, remember?
4. It’s NOT Personal. Everyone lives in a unique virtual reality created by his or her beliefs, experiences and agreements. You are only a minor character in their movie and how they react to you is NOT about you. No matter what anyone says or does, remember - it’s not personal.
5. Ask for What You Want. Ask for what you want rather than telling that difficult person what they are not doing right. Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. When you accuse, defend or criticize you sound like a victim. A victim is powerless faced with a “difficult person.” Is that what you want?
6. Listen Effectively. Do you ever formulate what you are going to say next while the other person is still talking? Are you really paying attention to what is being said, or half listening and filling in the blanks? Do you frequently interrupt others before they finish speaking? In order to avoid conflict, listen and acknowledge what the other person is saying. If they recognize they are heard it can go along way to diffusing a conflict.
7. Be Detached. Let’s say someone is difficult. No doubt about it. Everyone agrees. That perception may be accurate but now what? If you have done all the right things Steps 1 thru 6 above) – and nothing changes be prepared to walk away. All communication is by agreement. Engaging in an argument is a choice. Rather than argue or defend, if you don’t agree move on and focus your attention elsewhere. Do this not because you’re right, but because it feels right.
8. Respect Their Story. Like you they have a story too - a unique perception of how everything is. It’s their story. And they have a right to it and deserve your respect even if you totally disagree. Respect their story and don’t try to change it. Enjoy them just as they are. That’s what you want too, isn’t it?
9. Put On Their Shoes. By not making assumptions, giving up expectations, asking questions, and listing effectively you can start to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Each response they have is really about what they believe. The literal meaning of they say might not be as important as the driving belief behind the response. Once you see that (and it’s not about you at all) any conflict will begin to evaporate.
10. Give Up the Need to Be Right (again). What one person does to irritate you may not bother others. Is it possible that YOU are the one being difficult? This tip is so powerful it bears repeating. To diffuse the conflict, give up your need to be right. Why? Simply because it feels so good.

BeliefWorks,

Ray Dodd
http://www.everydaywisdom.us

Home - Free Stuff - Store

• Try a complimentary 30 Minute Telephone Session: Change the World - Change Your World - One Belief at a Time. Explore the advantages of working one-on-one with a BeliefWorks Mentor.

• Buy BeliefWorks and get the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book Free: Purchase BeliefWorks this month and we will give you the BeliefWorks Practice E-Book at NO EXTRA CHARGE.

• Inspiring BeliefWorks Art Prints: Great as a gift or for yourself, high-quality inspiring art prints.

Property of everydayWisdom.us 2008. All rights reserved. Reprint rights are granted to all venues so long as the article and by-line are reprinted intact.